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| Well, New Year's went okay. Ended up gettin alot of malts from my parents so I felt like Jack Sparrow! :D w00t! Been playin WoW and doin my online classes to get my license in selling Life Insurance. Whooo...>.> Yeah. It sucks. Anyways, I'm dreading Valentine's Day since its all lovey dovey and shit. I might lock myself in my room and hide and clean and such. I dunno. Unless my friends want me to hang out somewhere with them, then I'll probably go. She's back in town, and I'm trying my hardest not to be reluctant about going outside. So far, I think I'm doin a really good job. I went to see the movie SAW 3 and it was awesome! Only part I didn't like was the twising of the guys bones all over the place. I was sooooooo nasty. >< I hate breaking bones anyways, the sound just gets on my nerves. Rachel and I don't talk much anymore, and I feel like she's just not really into trying to care anymore. But, what the hell am I gonna do? I can't force anyone (although I wish I could) to do what I want. It'd be nice though... Well, I'm gonna log, my back's yellin at me and I need to go to bed. I'm so tired..........sleepy....bleh... | | |
| Well, Christmas is over now, and I'm hoping everything will get better.
Sadly, Mom and I haven't been on really good terms lately. And if I
don't get a job soon, I have to find another place to live. -_- Damn...
Anyways! I've been playing WoW and so far, its awesome. I hit level 60 last week, so that's always good.
I've been writing a story about what's been going on in my head, and so far it sounds
okay, but it could use alot of work. But, I'm not suprised it needs
work anyways. Tomorrow Mom and I are gonna run to Hobby Lobby so I can
see about getting my job back. I hope I will cause I know how Mom has
been upset with me the last few weeks. If anything, I'd be willing to
go part-time. I have to get over this, and I have to be strong.
Christmas was awesome. I got alot of stuff I wanted, which was cool
=^_^= Too bad we didn't have much to work with because of the stupid
water heater. Although, today when I went to Wal*Mart, I bought the new
Evanescence CD and Stay Alive (movie) which was an awesome movie. I
think Mom'll like to see it. I watched PoTC2 and The Hills Have Eyes
the day before yesterday, back to back. Then played the new Zelda game,
and needless to say, it was a definately weird thing to tell my
friends. "Oh yeah! I got Care Bear Socks, The Hills Have Eyes movie,
and PoTC2! It was great!" They called me crazy. I'm thinking, "What
else is new, eh wot?" ROFL. Well, I will talk to you guys later.
:Love,
Selina
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| This is from my Deviant Art
http://selinashadowborne.deviantart.com
Well, day 3 is here, and I'm doing okay. Did a bit of running around today, and I'll be doing more of it tomorrow. I'm going to my bac kdoctor (orthopaedic surgeon) and Mom's coming with me. Mom actually talked with Evey today, and it sounded like a good conversation. Evey is leaving town this weekend with her best friend's bf to visit his family for something, but not sure what and she'll be back soon. I won't be able to talk to her but I have to call Simple Freedom and see why when Mom put minutes on her phone, they didn't register. *sigh* My friend Nathan is wanting to take me to the Movies this Saturday, to which I said it was fine. I think it would be good to start getting out of the house more. I'm not getting any younger and all I'll get is fatter. XD Oh well.
Evey told me she got a job at Target, and that's always good. I'm watching Ever After and typing on the computer.
Princedrake: The picture is finished, the problem is trying to find the time to get it scanned. Also, did you want it colored or just black and white?
I'm starting to feel better (sick-wise) and tomorrow I'll be getting a Power Surge so I can move my computer fully into my room while everything is being moved from Barton and Kyle's room to the back bedroom. As far as I can tell, all my stuff is moved (thought I had more stuff on the desk back there but I guess not). Nothing else is going on right now. So I'm going to go. Loves to everyone!
Love,
Selina | | |
| ...I'm on Day 2 of Evey not being here with me. Needless to say, I finally just passed out around 5:30 this morning, for some odd reason hoping she'd come through the door.
Mom did something I never thought she would after saying she wouldn't get in the middle of this. She yelled at Evey. I have had enough...I've been taking trips outside, maybe thinking of ways to hang myself, or just fresh air; I can't tell the difference. I agree with Evey on the feelings, I just want to die. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it.
I packed the rest of her stuff, and found more stuff that she forgot and I forgot to pack. (Too much shit...>< ) I have been trying to keep myself busy so I would stop crying and I went out with my friend Katie and my sister Rachel to the mall. I got a keychain that...for some odd reason thinking that Evey would be home, and it just seemed to fit with out I was feeling. Maybe it was just how I looked at it and it was cheap at Hot Topic. It is two skulls looking at eachother with a small scribble design on their temples and wings coming from the back of their heads. Behind the skulls is a heart. I thought it was pretty and cool so I got it, then we ate chinese food, I got lost and it felt so weird walking through the mall without her.  src="http://e.deviantart.com/emoticons/c/confuse.gif" width=18> I just...*sigh* I dunno.
When she came by today to get the stuff I could find, Mom followed her into my room where I had the boxes so they would be kept out of the living room and "made it clear" (code for borderline yelling) that she didn't only hurt me but the rest of this household. At that, I just told her to stop, and followed Evey out with the rest of the boxes. ...I want to hug her, hold her, tell her everything was going to be alright and we would figure things out, but she didn't even say goodbye to me and I was crushed. I was so pissed at my mom, now I just don't want to be in the same room with her. I think I'll curl up in a ball somewhere...I don't know what I want to do. Katie made me feel alittle better. I could talk to her about Evey without bursting into tears; which was a good thing since I was at the mall eating Chinese food. She told me Evey called her late last night and told her what happened. Also she said that she talked to Erika, and Erika was pissed. I'm not sure if this is true, but I wouldn't put it past Erika to be pissed about something like this. It has happened in her social life (sorry to bring it back up Erika  ).
Mom just talked with me asking me if I'm willing to take the risk of having Evey back. The answer? Is yes. I know it sounds so childish, but it's what I feel and what I want. I'd do anything...ANYTHING to have her back. And that...I mean. She says she understands how this feels...but I don't think she does. She said that if Evey wants to come home, she has to prove it. Plus, she can't move back in until she proves this by treating me right and not "running away" and so on and so forth. ...Fine. I know she can do it. I have faith in her. Because I love her.
P.S. Mom said it's up to Ron whether or not if you can have Romeo or not. Plus, I found a few more things, but nothing too major. If you see this...please...call me cause I don't know when I'm allowed to call over there or what. Plus, I think I have your friend's bf's number on my caller I.D. ...And the last time I called, he sounded a bit upset and I don't want to upset anyone else.
Sincerely,
Selina | | |
| This is a Copy of my journal from deviantart
The last few days have been a mess. I'm sick, yesterday morning I woke up at about 6:30 a.m. puking and accidentally forcing Evey to change the sheets and everything. Then, everything went downhill. Evey and I are no longer together. I know it's a shock, but it the truth. She moved out today. All of her stuff is gone, and those who have seen my room...you'll never recognize it. It's so...empty.
She said that she's been thinking about "us" and that there is no feeling for "us" in her heart. So, after hearing this. I gave her a hug, excused myself to the restroom, and cried. Barton needed the bathroom , so I got out, went into the back bedroom where Evey came after me. She said that she's seen me cry before and that it shouldn't be anything against "us". Then, I just couldn't take it. I ran into my room, cried for about thirty minutes, and she gathered a change of clothes, a blanket, and a pillow. She put it in the back bedroom, and said that if I needed a shoulder to cry on, she's there. I don't think after hearing this, I could have done that. How the hell could I come to her and cry and talk to her about MY problems when she didn't even talk to me about this. Come to find out, after I talked with Mom, she talked with evey and found out that she had been having these feelings since before the handfasting. She still went with it because it was what I wanted. I don't understand. She KNEW that if she told me that if she didn't want it that I would wait. I feel so bad...I feel like it's all my fault and that I should have done something to prevent this. I know it wasn't my fault, but what am I supposed to think?
So, she left for a friends house (i'm leaving out their name for protection against "hate mail" or something stupid), and a few hours later, (since I thought she walked there) I called the friend's house to see if she made it okay. I thought she would call to let me know she arrived. I guessed wrong. We talked about everything, and she said she would come home to talk to me to my face about something. She came home about 20 minutes later, and she said that she thinks that "we" wouldn't work out, that we should separate, and try dating like that. ...That doesn't make sense. We've been LIVING together for 3 YEARS, and dating while living together for 2. It would be hard to suddenly just up and leave, date outside of the house. It would be so painful. She left after I gave her a long hug, and told her I'd see her tomorrow to get her the rest of her stuff. She came back (after leaving with her friend who drove her here) and said how much she loves me and that she understands what she's leaving behind. She slept with me (in the same bed, no sex) and I woke up, realizing none of this was a dream.
With the way she is acting, I said hurtful things, like her being like her real parents. Whenever there is a problem she made herself a "safety net" and up and leaves without talking with anyone. She left today, taking all her things, and now I feel so horrible. I talked with my friend Erika about it, and she made me feel a bit better. Jasmine asked me if Mom threw her out or if she left on her own. I will make this clear for everyone: SHE LEFT ON HER OWN! My mom wanted to throw her out if there was an arguement that drew her from her bedroom. But, otherwise, she wouldn't throw her out.
So, as everything stands now, she's gone and I'm left with two choices. To move on and maybe hope for her to think things through, or to cut myself. The last choice sounds nice, but I don't want to do it. I'm better than that, and a broken heart doesn't deserve to be treated with more pain (whether it is physical or emotional) so my only option that won't land me in a hospital is to move on...even if I don't want to. Personally, I would wait for her to get things straight in her mind. Then maybe, if it leads to it, I'll take her back. Because I love her so much. if she just outgrew "us"...then I guess I'll have to deal with it. I'm going to go ahead and go...I'll talk with you guys soon...
Love,
Selina
P.S. Evey...I know I didn't do anything...but I'm sorry. | | |
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